My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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