I didn't shave. On purpose
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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