now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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