no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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