is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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