Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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