Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
