Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
