____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
