He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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