so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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