The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
