I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
