my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
