I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
