not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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