Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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