R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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