It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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