my sisters under your porch take her home
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
