the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
