then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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