next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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