Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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