Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize