i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
