i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we should paint friendship bongs
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