You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
