i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I believe in your delicious
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
