I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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