Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
