Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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