I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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