the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
