I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
