This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
