Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
