im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
