I wish I could punch you in the face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
