Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
