Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
