the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How naked do you want me to be?
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