i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
