I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
