Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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