we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
