In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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