i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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