My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
