you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
