I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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