I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
