I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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