I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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