about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I just sharted jello shots
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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