Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
