ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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