when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
