Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
