Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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