She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
