Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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