I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found puke in my bra..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
