I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
