chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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