So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
